It started out as some innocent little picky comment. I was sure that he was snippy first and he was certain that I had been snippy first. But whichever remark actually started things, there was a definite tension between myself and The Hunky Hubby. I blew through our evening, fuming, getting the boys their snack, reading, practicing AWANA verses, doing homework, brushing teeth and making them floss, singing and praying with them, marching them back to bed when they escaped. I was furious. And I wanted to stay furious…forever. Just the thought of apologizing made me nauseated. I checked my e-mail. An acceptance on a short devotional I’d submitted to Thriving Family magazine over a year ago. A devotional on marriage from the book of James. What a stupid devotional! How on earth could I write something so ridiculous about apologizing and forgiving and stupid things like that?
Apologizing is so so hard to do.
Even when you know that you were part of the problem.
Even when you are mad about something stupid.
But finally, after reading my own devotional several times and knowing exactly what God wanted me to do, I sucked it up and apologized. All that anger slowly washed away, and I knew that God had been right. It is natural for us to feel hurt, to want to hate, to want to go down to the grave angry, self-righteous, and loathing that loved one who has hurt us. It is hard to apologize. But there is a reason God demands it of us. It is the right thing to do.
James 3:17—“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”
This is terribly hard, but if God believes that I can learn to do it, who am I, His slave, to refuse?