It is so hard to know what God is doing or even if He is doing something in your life. What if you are simply going a little crazy?
When our dear Shamu passed away last May, the boys wanted me to look for puppies right away, the very same day that we had to put him down. I told them that I would do it the next day, that I had to spend one day being sad and crying. So the next day I started looking for puppies. I found one place that had them, but after praying and noticing several red flags I decided to move on. Then I found a wonderful caring Christian breeder who works with her pups before they go home and even sleeps out in the dog barn with them for a month when they are little. Everything seemed perfect, as though God Himself had reached down to comfort us with a little help and direction. We were on the puppy list for a year and finally the time had come. But lo and behold one of the Momma dogs did not get pregnant. Would the other female have enough pups so that we could have one? We were number 5 on the puppy list. The pups were born, there were only two and one of them was stillborn. Only one sweet black boy pup survived. I contacted the breeder and she said that everyone ahead of us wanted a girl dog or a brown one. We were top of the list for a boy! But everything depended on his personality. Would this pup be a match for our family? Then he started going downhill. Not nursing, not able to open his jaw. The breeder massaged his jaw every two hours and force fed him. She wasn’t sure if he would live, or if she would place him in a family even if he did. Did the pup have a chronic jaw issue?
The puppy is doing better. He is finally nursing on his own and gaining weight. We still do not know if he will be ours even after this year-long wait. His personality might match some other family or the breeder simply might be unable to part with him. Even though these are only dog struggles, they are important to us, so important. Our 3 boys need a dog, we have waited for this pup for so long.
I have struggled with God over this. I think it would have been easier if I’d just continued to think that God did not get involved in dog related concerns. But He answered my prayers about the other breeder. He led me to this wonderful lady who loved Him. Why would He do these wonderful things and then not lead us to a pup? I have no idea. I do not know what will happen or what God has in mind. But I know that He is good. I know that He loves our family and that He sees us, even when our hurts do not seem as important as other people’s hurts. Even when something is eating us up inside, especially then. God is good and He loves me. That I know. This is what I must cling to, no matter what He decides. He is love.
I John 4:8-9–“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.”