An annoying tradition has begun in our house. Sadly, it was not one of the children who began it. When someone says something to one of the boys, their response is to take the words spoken and shout them back adding, “your face!” Then the first boy says, “No, your momma is” and says whatever word or phrase they have picked.
Fictionalized (but realistic) Example: Scruffy–“You boys need to stop throwing popcorn and clean up.” Boy#1–“Your face needs to stop throwing popcorn and clean up.” Boy#2 or #3 or Scruffy himself (argh!)–“Your momma needs to stop throwing popcorn and clean up!” Although, Scruff really can’t complain about all this insubordination since the infuriating man not only began this ridiculousness, but perpetuates it regularly.
Fictionalized (but realistic) Example: Boy#3–“Wait, I need to find my shoes!” Scruffy–“Your face needs to find your shoes.” Boy#3–“Your momma needs to find your shoes!” Scruffy–Your momma needs to find your shoes. Momma–“Argh!”
… and now the Boy Quotes
Brennan–“Ahhhhh! Stop poking me! Stop poking my heimlich spot!”
Momma–“It’s your xiphoid process.”
Brennan–“Your face is a xypoid!”
Random unidentified boy–“Your momma is a xypoid!”
Momma–“Is there any more BBQ sauce?”
Brennan–“I don’t think so,” he says as he peers into the cupboard and somehow fails to see the six bottles of BBQ sauce hidden therein.
Scruffy–Purchases 2 more 2-packs of BBQ at Costco, yes, that would be 4 more bottles.
Momma–“Where are you putting the BBQ so that we can all find it?”
Scruffy–“Everywhere! I’m putting it everywhere. We have ten bottles!”
Brennan–“Judah, stop,” he says as they crash across the room wrestling. “You’re sharp!” It is true. He has very sharp elbows.
Judah–Smashes both brothers onto the couch.
Brennan–“Your face is sharp cheddar!”
I can’t remember … but it is a safe guess to say that someone then said, “Your momma is sharp cheddar!”
Momma–“Snacks should be fruit.”
Theo–“There’s nothing wrong with pizza. It’s a fruit.”
Judah–“Yeah, it grows in the ground, just like carrots!”
When I explain how difficult it is to get a hair appointment, all three boys enthusiastically offer to cut my hair!
Momma–“Have you eaten breakfast?”
Theo–“I have. I feasted on my hunger!”
Brennan–Very sweetly gave me a hug. During this hug he stole my mug of water. He then returned the mug of water to the same spot … but inexplicably, there was now a pine cone inside!
Momma–“I heard Theo ask to set up the scaffolding. Did you tell him no?”
Scruffy–“They’re just using it so that they can reach their hammocks.”
Momma–“If they need to use scaffolding, the hammocks are too high!”
Scruffy–Pauses to consider my words … “What if they just hang the hammocks from the scaffolding?”
Momma–“Judah, stop stepping on your brother.”
Judah–“I’m not stepping on him! I’m kicking him!”
And finally … sentences you never thought you would find yourself saying when you contemplated becoming a parent:
Momma–“Hey you guys, are you getting ready or just poking each other’s bellybuttons?”